Friday, April 27, 2012

In Search Of A New BFF

No I am not replacing BFF Karen, that just would never happen! I am looking for a special type of BFF and it is only a temporary position. And actually I won't be replacing the BFF I am talking about, I just need someone to take over her duties for a while.

You see my BFF Carmen from Houston *okie figures she better clarify so people don't think it is BFF Carmen from Florida* has taken the position as President for the Bearkadette Mothers, which is the group of mothers that organize stuff for her daughters dance troop at school, and will be unavailable to me as required as my "PHONE BFF".  This is Carmen and Dani when they went on the Bearkadette trip this summer to California.

I am happy for her daughter Dani, as she made co-major for the troop, which is equivalent to football captain and if ya know anything about high school...well that is some stand up and be proud kinda stuff right there! This is a picture of Dani getting ready for one of her dance routines.

Anyway, I am rather upset that Carmen did not consider her duties as the PBFF *okie thinks she will just use that instead of typing out the whole thing every time* when taking the position as the president of this mother's group. I know Carmen knew the duties of her new position were going to take up her time but we found out just how much this past week.

You see Carmen's duties as my PBFF is to be available for phone calls anytime of day or night, okay usually not after 10pm on weeknights unless it is summer or school is out the next day. She also has to be available on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for when I drive to McCall's Chapel to see clients there. This week she has missed phone calls numerous times because she was busy with those blasted presidential duties and I am just not liking it!

I have informed Carmen that I am going to take applications to replace her at this time. She is not liking it at all and says I can't do it. I told her I most certainly can and will! She even told me she gets to screen the applicants, which will never happen because she will find the slightest reasons to toss out an application.

The requirements are as follows:

1. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday morning phone calls for at least 10 minutes, hours vary from 10:30 am to 12:00 pm. You must be available during this time and answer your phone immediately and be ready to talk about any nonsense that pops into my head. Whether it be me whining about ungrateful teenagers or my love life - or lack there of, Lucy latest shenanigans, etc.

2. Phone calls during afternoon times, even if you are waiting at the doctor, giving the dog a bath, driving to Hobby Lobby, Joann's, Michaels, etc. If you do not answer you have to call me back within a 2 minute time period or you will be docked points and another applicant will be considered.

3. Phone calls during the evening time, this includes if you are making dinner, eating dinner with your family, talking with your husband, spending time with the kids. Now I am not a total hard azz and I will make allowances for you to tell me "hey I am eating right now" "I need to talk to my husband" and allow you time to do this chore and then call me back, but it must be within 10 minute time frame. Again if you fail to do so you will be docked points.

4. Phone calls at night and be ready to talk while you do laundry, tend to your family, work on projects, in bed, etc. And a very solid requirement is that you are ready to talk until 2am on weekends without complaint. The until 2am phone calls are not a regular thing but the midnight ones are so if this is a problem do NOT apply.

5. Since I have a headset phone, with speaker option, you have to be willing to bathe with me, go to bed with me, go to the bathroom with me, craft with me, do the dishes with me, garden with me, and any other activity I may be doing during the phone call. In case you are wondering, do not worry about be being intimate with someone while we are on the phone...that doesn't happen in my house, however you must be willing to stop being intimate at your house if your phone rings and it is me.

6. Your husband and children must not complain when I call. I also will require their numbers and will be texting and calling them as I wish and they must respond as well. 

7. Your mother must not me mind me calling her bad names, telling her she is gonna go live in the garage with the dogs, tell her she needs to get her lazy azz out of bed, etc. She must never complain about me calling at anytime and must welcome me with open arms when I decide to visit. It also helps that when I visit she doesn't mind me crawling in bed with her during a lazy afternoon to just talk.

8. You must be willing to be openly honest with your opinion and accept my opinion, we have to be willing to agree to disagree at times, but mostly you have to just agree with me so it leaves things uncomplicated and we can move on to subjects that are more important to me.

If you understand the cartoon to the left then you understand the importance this rule be followed and how to follow it.

Okay now that you have all the VERY SIMPLE requirements I expect the applications to be rolling in. You must remember that this is a temporary position and the tenure will be for the time limit of one year. At the end of the year you have to be willing for me to delete your number and you delete mine as my PBFF Carmen will be available at my beckon call once again.

All applications will be seriously considered and any applicants making it to the interview round must be ready for a grueling and enduring round of 5 interviews *okie sighs deeply wondering if anyone will make it past the first interview* before making it to the last round of interviews. Applying to be my PBFF is not something to take lightly. The pay for the position is the satisfaction of know I am happy and that should be enough for you, as it is enough for Carmen.



  1. *laughing so hard i feel out of my chair!*
    girl you are too funny!!!

    i HATE to talk on the phone!
    sad but true. ;)

  2. oooh!! ME, ME, ME!! consider me please!?!


    If nothing else, I could be your TBFF (texting best friend forever)

  3. You know that you are brilliant. You've started something. I need to start classifying my BFFs - travel BFF, crafting BFF, venting about idiots BFF, web research BFF (unless it is about crafting, I don't like to research things on the web so I would like someone to do it for me), movie BFF, mani & pedi BFF, and the list goes on. I'm not a 'phone' person so I can't apply for your position but if you would like to apply for one of mine, I am accepting applications on alternate Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1:15 to 2:00pm. LOL!!! I so enjoy your blog!!

  4. Okie you are so wonderful!!! You never cease to bring a smile to my face. I would love to apply for you PBFF, I love talking on the phone. Thanks for the smile and just so you know meeting you in person is on my must do in my lifetime list. Thanks and call me anytime

    Laura D

  5. so funny!! Would love to apply for the job but unless you use verizon as your carrier I would only be able to apply for a one month period! The second month I would busy planning Bob's funeral because of his heart attack when he sees how many minutes I went over on our plan!LOL

  6. You just crack me up! I'm laughing so much here.... I guess I could be a temporary, part-time BFF if you don't mind making international calls?! LOL. ANd congratulations to Carmen. Jude.x

  7. Thanks for making my week! Just the laugh I need to celebrate Friday. Love the friend categories! You are awesome!

  8. It would work best for me from 8:30-4pm EST so that I could get paid to talk while at work;) Maybe you could pick 3 different pbff's so we could each take a shift. Mine of course will be the day shift.

  9. Too funny:) I can pick up the evening/night slack from Craftygirl17. They frown on us being on the phone while we're supposed to be teaching, sorry... I hope you find a truly phone-worthy friend!

  10. You brightened my day. And no, I am not applying. Don't like to talk on the phone.

  11. Now that I am through laughing ... nooooo, wait, I'm not through yet.

    OK, laughing is done ... so all I have to say is ... you have my number GF.

    CALL ME!

    All family members and friends are now on alert and anticipating your flood of calls (*wink)


  12. Do you have minutes to Canada in your plan? :-) If not, maybe you can apply be MY PBFF, I have unlimited calling to the U.S. You're so funny - sounds like a pretty stressful job LOL
    Jennifer H

  13. LOL! I love you Okie, but I don't think I am up for that challenge! Okay, let me rephrase that, I don't think my husband and children are up to that challenge!

  14. Well now that I found how to post my comment,lol. I clicked the wrong clicky Post a Comment(Atom) instead of just PaC. Dang now you think I'm too dumb to be a PBFF,sigh. But I'm good with all the requirements,late night is not a problem since I'm in Calif. so midnite is only 10pm. Are you 2 or 3 hrs ahead,oh well no matter.I'll be going to the hearing DR. on Mon. so I might even be able to hear everything you complain,um say.My mom passed away in 93 and my MIL has alzhymers, ahlzimers, alhsimers,I can't remember and neither can she so you can say what you want cuz she'll forget in 2sec. Oh,question,do I have to change my name to Carmen?It's ok,I kinda like it. 8~) Hope to hear from ya soon.

  15. I rarely post online and never REALLY laugh at anything,but you and PamGram had tears streaming down my face. Thanks to both of you