Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Self Therapy update...

Um yeah I am kinda sucking at the self therapy. I think I need chocolate!! *okie laughs and grins*

I would like to thank everyone for the supportive comments and emails I received about yesterdays post. Because of that I have decided that ya know what, this is my blog and it is Scrap N' MORE so you guys might be getting the more part now since I have decided to take my thoughts from MSword to my blog. I figure what the heck, some of ya'll feel like you really know me so ya might as well know a little more about me. And besides, I am usually a pretty open book about things in my life anyway. And if ya don't want to read it, then just don't be clickin on my blog *okie laughs her little smart aleck laugh and gives a wink*

I will share one issue...my daughter has officially flunked out of college. This has been a huge blow to me because I wanted so much more for her. *okie does the sshhh motion with her finger on her lips and speaks quietly* Don't ya'll tell her this, but I have to realize that I did the same thing when I was in college. I was a big party animal and then one morning at the age of 24 I woke up and magically said "it's time to grow up and be an adult" and that is what I did. I went back and finished my bachelors degree, after changing my major about six different times, and then went on to complete my masters degree and then get my licensed professional counselor certification. I know there is hope for her yet. I just wanted her to make better decisions than I did. LIVE AND LEARN! Maybe it will make her a stronger person, at least that is my hope. I have to thank my friend Linda for listening to me cry and helping me get my mind a little more straight about this situation. I know I talk bad about Linda on here *okie thinks, because Linda can be meaner than heck sometimes* but she truly is one of my best friends, even if she does tell me all the time when we are in the car and she pulls out in traffic "oh well, it will hit your side first and you are fluffy enough to cushion me".

It amazes me some days in my life when I think about what my worst fears have been and then they come and slap me in the face. My daughter's problems with college is one of them. I remember my dad telling me when I started college "Finish your education. Everything in this world can be taken from you, your house, your family, your money, your freedom. Everything. But the ONE thing that can never be taken from you is your education". My dad died during my first semester of college but his words stuck with me. Even during the times when I had flunked out or decided to sit out I always knew I would go back and finish, but when I was ready. I think my dad would be proud that I went as far with my education that I did.

The hard part I am dealing with is that I made her a deal. I told her as long as she was in school I would pay her car insurance and cell phone bill. Well she isn't going to be in school anymore so that means I have to toughen up and now charge her for those things or let her get her own. I know it will be hard on her and I don't want her to suffer like I did when I was younger. But I do know it made me the person I am today...strong, independent, determined, etc etc *okie thinks she will leave out the crazier than a bedbug adjective* and maybe it will help build her character as well. She even mentioned last night on the phone "Mom you have your life and I have mine". I told her "Ya know what you are right, that is correct. You do have your life and I have my life". I think it scared her and she said "that's not what I meant, don't take it that way". And I told her "but it is true, and it's time you lived your life". I think she might have gotten the hint that the purse strings were going to be pulled tight when I said that because the sound in her voice was one of trepidation.

Okay enough of that for now...it's time for chocolate! HA HA HA Just kidding.

Oh I do want to share with you guys that I have lost 26lbs this summer. I weighed on the last day of school which was May 20th and, *okie looks around and shakes her head* HELL NO I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I WEIGHED!! Geez Louise! It's just been too hot to cook or eat so I only eat what I feel like I can stand to ingest. I was worried about it but the doctor said I am fine and it is just because I have changed eating habits. I hope I can keep it up, er is that down, and lose some more weight. I know it would be good for my health and my diabetes *okie still swears that doctor is lying and she doesn't have diabetes*. With the heat being the way it is it might be a few more months before my electronic cooking devices in my kitchen get turned on again!

That is all for now, I got some things to get done around here, but not crafting. Sorry about that folks. I hope to craft some day soon.

23 comments:

  1. Shirley, You are an amazing woman, and your daughter is very lucky to have an understanding mom like you!! Hopefully, she will come to her senses and find another college to attend soon, that is more of what she wants. Hang in there!!! Molly J

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  2. You just keep on keeping on girl! It's tough being a grown up but I'm liking that you can speak your mind. I struggle with that 'cause I've got a potty mouth and would likely offend any followers I was able to pick up. You just keep writing and we will keep posting our support. :-)
    Amy

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  3. Now you just have to convince YOURSELF that she's going to be okay.

    I still remember picking Gene up off his face when he was learning to walk and wondering if I'd ever let go of his hand again. It just hurts too much to see them fall.

    But, if you don't let go of their hands, they'll never learn to stand on their own.

    Hang in there!

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  4. Okie, I wish I could say I didn't know what your going thru but sadly I do. My son went to a bible college his first year. We both knew he shouldn't have gone there but thats what he decided.

    Our kids had to pay for their college but we paid for gas and food. (I always wanted them to have gas to get home) lol

    But he decided to goof off and he was just short of being asked not to come back. He tried another college that winter and that didn't work either. It's very hard to put your foot down but it is better for them in the long run.

    There are more people out there than you realize that understand what your going thru. It's not just the disappointment that they flunked out, it's morning all the dreams that went with the college education. And they don't realize how it will effect their lives later.
    Prayers going out to you both as you come to a new path in your lives.

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  5. I so feel your pain. Went through this with one of my daughters too. Sometimes they just have to do things the hard way. Glad you have Linda to keep you laughing. We miss you but life and heat get in the way of crafting sometimes. Just keep letting us know your still breathing once in awhile. Hugs

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  6. I told my daughter that if she was in school full time that I would pay for her bills, if she was in school 1/2 time I would pay 1/2 her bills, but if she was not in school I would not pay for anything and she had the option to move out on her own or pay me room and board. If she is old enough to make her own decisions then she is old enough to face the consequences of those decisions.

    It is not wrong to get tough and tighten those purse strings Shirley, it is teaching her valuable life lessons.

    You are only a good mom if you do what you think will teach and help her the most in life, even when it is not easy.

    Hang in there!

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  7. You did the right thing,let her make her own decision. Don't worry she'll be back in school when she finds that it's easier than making ins. and cell payments,lol.And WHOOHOOO for the weight loss.I need to loose 26lbs.um twice ;~) I love your writting as much as your crafting. Thanks and {{hugs}}

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  8. One of the hardest things we have to do as parents is stand back and watch and let them make their own decision. Having the benetit of a few more years on this earth, having gathered some wisdome through making some of the same mistakes...counts for nothing in their eyes. It is very hard but it is time for some reality...without an education how are you going to pay that car payment or that cell phone bill...she needs to find out how hard it will be firsthand thus you need to let her take these payments over...the sooner she experiences financial distress, the sooner she will decide to return and finish her education. You are an amazing Mom, from what I can gather through your blog. And you have been a good role model for your daughter in getting an education for yourself and working hard to get that education and subsequently at your job. She will see that and come around eventually but she may need to hit some bumps first.

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  9. Oh My Okie..... Had no clue.... I'm sure things will work out in the end.... I love it when "Young Adults" think they know all and don't feel they need this or that.... My oldest son is heading off to College in a couple of weeks... He has big plans for his life so I'm hoping he'll stick with them... If he doesn't he knows that we will do the same thing as you and cut the cord! :o)
    I only want whats best for him as you do for your daughter but I know I can't make his decisions anymore and hope that everything I've taught him will stick with him when making his choices... I know your daughter will come to her senses and go back to school when the time is right! Thanks for sharing this side of you... I love reading everything you write and your blog is refreshingly REAL! :o) Happy to hear you've lost 26lbs! I've been eating a little better myself and lost 18lbs. so far! Can't tell really! LOL
    I'm also sorry you have all that terrible HEAT! I use to live in Las Vegas and don't miss the HOT summers for one second but I miss their winters terribly! My summers may not be as hot as yours but my winters are probably 10x worse! Damn if you do Damn if you don't... I need to find a place to live thats just 75 degrees year round... without the earthquakes!!! Hugs to you friend! :o) Theresa

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  10. Oh Okie! And Okie's DD! My DD too! Long story short I got my degree when my children had all started school and I too wanted so much more for them. DD flunked Uni (college), came home very depressed. Took 6 months but she finally picked herself up and moved on. She never did get the degree, but now has a job where she earns over twice what I do, travels all over the UK on a regular basis, to the US two or three times a year, adores her work and has so much job satisfaction that I am jealous of her. I know it's not what you want to hear; your Dad was right - I constantly hope that she's going to call me one day and say "Mum, I'm going back to Uni", but it's not going to happen - she's moving up the ladder regardless. She's happy and that's all that matters in the end. I didn't support her financially when she came home; but emotionally - I was there all the way. I am still as proud of her as I know my Dad would be about me being the first person in the family to get a degree. You will continue to love and support her and that's what's important for both of you right now. Be strong for her, but keep those purse strings REALLY tight. Good Luck to her wherever life now takes her. Jude.x

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  11. Okie- Hang in there! I know how hard it can be. I have a 22yr old that can't get her act together. Her credit is in the toilet, even though I showed her how to make a budget. Her bills were paid off 2x and she is now in trouble with credit cards and such again. I have told her I will not help her anymore. She has moved in and out of our home 3 times. She has been told she can't come back. She just asked to move back and I told her "NO". She did try to make us feel guilty by saying she would have to live in her car. I still said "NO". It is hard but she needs to learn how to take care of herself. They can be hard headed. My daughter has always had to learn the hard way. I hope things get better for you.

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  12. Hugs and Prayers for you both. From experience, I know that "tough love" is just as hard if not harder on us moms than our kids. The end result is worth it.

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  13. My first semester I got a 1.8. Flunking out is not always a bad thing. I became a really good teacher by the time I retired. We learn far more from failure. My step son did and then went back and is now a DA. The harder it is for her or the more independent she is the more she will see and want that education. It is hard for our kids to know what the want because we love them a little too much too long.
    Your doing a great job just by the example you set. Pray to her guardian angel and your dad to watch over and help her find her way.
    Sending more hugs

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  14. Shirley,
    Thanks for being so open about your troubles. I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I have cried the same kind of tears for the same kind of reasons. My best unsolicited advice is to listen to her problems and let her know that you believe that she can do anything that she puts her mind to, including living with the consequences of her actions. Deep down you know that you have raised a strong and wonderful kid. Just keep reminding you BOTH of that fact. Please remember that when you share your problems your burden is lightened and you give courage to others to do the same.
    Your Cricut Cruise friend,
    Danita

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  15. Being a mother never gets easier even when your kids have "grown up".
    Keep on keeping on and hang in there. Thanks for sharing - it helps to know you are not alone.

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  16. Hang tough Okie, you've got to let her find out what the real world is like. I've been there and I know how hard it is for you to do this, but in the long run it will help here to grow up. I will keep you both in my prayers.

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  17. Shirley, I have been in your shoes and it totally sucks! You have taught your daughter how to be a woman and she will be a great woman. Cutting the purse strings is tough. Just do it and know your baby girl will survive. Love your posts. You make me laugh all the time.
    {Hugs}Kitty
    aka ScrappinKittyRN

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  18. Okie,
    I think your daughter understands and she appreciates you for being the person you are. As long as she able to process her feelings about her father she should be fine. Afterall she has you!

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  19. hugs to you, kids what can I say, I have 4 and they all seem determined to take the hard road. You will get throught this and so will she. Okie for some reason I really relate to you and your blog, It is nice to know there are other moms out there who worry and have the same issues=}Mindy

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  20. Shirley, First of all CONGRATS on the weight loss--good for you. Now on to the other....I, too, had a child flunk out of college and I was devastated. Education was also a big thing in my family and I just couldn't fathom one of my kids not getting a higher education. After the shock wore off, I had to do some tough love and essentially did the same thing you did which was take away the monetary help. The heartache I had doing this was terrible, but I knew that was the only way it would hit home. Other than my divorce, this was the darkest time in my life. It all worked out in the end though because after a couple of years of just getting by,my son did go back to college and did get a degree. My heart aches for you right now because I know what you are going through. Things will get better, and your daughter will become a better person for all that is happening right now. Know that I am thinking about you.

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  21. Hang in there Okie. You and your daughter have a lot of people rooting for the two of you. Life's lessons are sometimes hard to learn! It is so hard to watch your children make mistakes and not be able to do anything about it. Your daughter is trying to find herself. Don't worry too much, she will come around. Believe me I know because I've been there with my oldest son. Keep the faith. I'll say an extra prayer for you and your daughter.

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  22. My daughter did the same thing. She was just not the student type. On the bright side she just went to work for Joann's as the operations manager (this brand new store just opened here last week)and she has taken the honors of finishing their MIT program faster than anybody in the company. She love her job and I am sooo glad that we have a Joann's for me to shop in instead of haveing to do so online.

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  23. You already know this, but I'm going to tell you my story. My DD quit school after 3 years. There are many reasons, but she quit! We did not completely cut the purse strings (prolly should have), but we only paid insurances and phone. You know those things that would make me know she was ok. Our relationship remained fine. She had a stable job at a restaurant and made $10 an hour. Fast forward about 7 years. She was driving through LSU campus and ON A WHIM decided to check and see what she needed to do to go back. Nothing really. She would be on probation. But they allow you to declare academic bankruptcy after 7 years, so she did. She started over at the very beginning with all the 18 year olds. Hilarious to hear her talk about how stupid they were! Long story short, she graduated Magna Cum Laude last August! Only 3 Bs-two in Spanish and one in an elective. There is always hope-always. You have taught her to value an education and life will reinforce that lesson, sadly. Prayers for you that she comes to her senses sooner rather than later and many hugs too!

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