Tuesday, October 20, 2015

3 Funerals and A Wedding...

My life the last 3 weeks has felt like something out of a movie and about the only movie I can think of to compare it to is 4 Weddings and A Funeral but in my life it has been 3 Funerals and A Wedding.

First,on September 23, was the death of a wonderful lady I had the pleasure of working with at the ICF/MR where I see clients. She had been employed at McCalls Chapel for 49 years and every resident there knew her and she knew them. It was very difficult for some of the residents, especially those that worked with everyday on the yard crew. The day after the news of her death I had to do 3 groups, one included the boys from the yard crew and it was a very emotionally draining day. During those times I always have to set my own feelings aside so I can help others cope with the feelings they are having and I don't always have time to attend to my own grief and process it. I had just started trying to process my own grief when I got news of a dear college friend of mine being involved in a motorcycle accident.

Calvin - October 1992
On September 27th I got word that my friend Calvin had been in a motorcycle accident and I being the optimist I am thought he would be fine. Later in the day I found out that he had succumbed to his injuries and was no longer with us. Calvin was one of "my boys" as I have always called them and this hit me hard. Back in the days of college there were a group of us that were close. I had 2-3 roommates and the boys were at our house all the time, especially on Sundays when I would cook dinner. Luckily I was able to go with my friend Bryant and his wife Stephanie down to Wichita Falls Texas for the funeral on October 2nd, so I didn't have to ride by myself. To be honest I don't know how I would have handled the drive back home alone. Since Calvin was a police officer in Wichita Falls there was standing room only for the services. He was laid to rest in Oklahoma City and we decided to go to the interment because we were worried about Stavie and how he was holding up. Stavie and Calvin were roommates in college and were best friends ever since then. After that we went to Calvin's mom's house and visited with the family for a few hours. I know I had a harder time dealing with the death of Calvin than Jan for many reasons and I still feel myself asking all the why's and if's that occur when we lose people we love. 

A few days after Calvin's funeral I was talking to a friend and I told her "death seems to come in 3's and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop". When I said that I did mean it but I was also hoping it would not be true but then....the shoe dropped.

Larry, Wendy and I in Las Vegas - Aug 2001
On October 8th I got a phone call from my friend Amy, which was odd since she knew it was the middle of the work day, and she said she had noticed I hadn't been on Facebook and I told her I had been busy. She proceeded to say "I didn't want you to open Facebook and find out about this like I did so I thought it was better that you heard this from a friend" and tells me that my friend Larry had passed away on October 6th. I was glad I was sitting down when she told me because I literally felt myself feel faint and I think I would have went down to the ground. I had tried to call Larry the previous week and he didn't answer his phone and I kept meaning to try again but something would pop up and then I would remember when it was too late to call. I first met Larry in Yahoo Chat back in 1998 and there were a group of us that loved to chat together. We moved on to Yahoo Messenger and our group dwindled down to 4...Larry, Joani, Wendy and I, and we would chat almost every night even if was just for a few minutes. We used the voice chat feature, well they did, I did the typing because I could type faster than talk. We exchanged Christmas presents a few years and I always made them ornaments. I always sent Larry cards I made and he always fawned over them. I have never known anyone who loved getting mail as much as Larry did. Anytime I went on vacation I always sent him post cards, whether it be from somewhere in the Caribbean or even just Houston Larry always knew he could be expecting a postcard. I always knew when it was the Christmas season because for the last 10 years Larry has had a loaf of Stollen sent to me from Dinkels Bakery in Chicago. It was a tradition in his family and he wanted to share that tradition with me. It meant so much to me I even did a "Stollen, not stolen" layout that was posted back in 2011. There is so much I could tell you about Larry but right now I don't think I can type anymore about the sorrows that have happened in the last few weeks. 

BFF Carmen had been planning on coming to visit in October and I just knew I needed her to visit more than ever and was hoping she would be able to make it...I needed something to distract me and keep me from sitting home alone and slumping into a depressed mood. Luckily things worked out and she let me know she would be arriving on Sunday October 11th!! We had grand plans to make our Christmas cards, make some t-shirts and other projects with the heat press and any other great crafting project we could think of...notice I said "had".

On Monday October 12th we got some news that would change any and all plans that we had....and right now I have some other things to do so I'll shall have to post that story tomorrow!


  1. SandyR says:You have been blessed with wonderful people in your life. I am sorry you had to lose any of them. You are also blessed with vision and you get to see new life begin. Thank you for posting your story. Hang in there and I will look for the wedding stories to come.

  2. I am so sorry Okie for what you have gone through lately.
    I know it has been rough on your heart. It is not easy losing someone you love and it doesn't always have to be a family member for your heart to be broken. You seem to be a very strong person but even the strongest get broken hearts also.
    I can't wait to hear all about the wedding.

  3. You are such a strong person. I don't know that I would be able to put my grief to the side. I would be crying with everyone else. I would even be crying with you even though I don't know any of the people. xoxo

  4. Sorry for the losses but way over the moon happy about the wedding. Thanks for sharing.

  5. I've had 2 deaths since I got to our California swarm, so know what it's like to wait for the other shoe to drop. None were as close as your friends--well, I used to be closer to my great aunt, but she was 101 and had dementia for years and lived in Phoenix, so hadn't seen her in awhile. So sorry you're going through this, but the wedding had to add some brightness to the sad times.

  6. I'm so very sorry for your losses. For those who benefited from you and your skills, they are so blessed to have you in their lives. My hat goes off to you, it's hard to do. Keeping you and your family and friends in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. Wow. I get you. Hugs to you! I know it's difficult and hard. I share your pain. I had something similar happen last year, at the end of summer. 3 deaths (our son, my mother-in-law, then a close friend). Oh how I WISH there would've been a wedding! I am so glad you had all of the love and support you do. Hugs again.

  8. So sorry for your losses! How incredibly terrible -- and it all started with having to help others cope. I'm sure that set things off to begin with, making it harder to keep up with the rest of the losses and dealing with your own grief! Here's to praying that all will be well soon, and your are dealing and moving ahead. I hope that this next news is great!

  9. I'm so sorry for your losses Shirley, I know how hard it is. My husband, the love of my life, passed away at 52 on Oct.10th from colon cancer. I knew it was coming and I knew he was next as like you, I knew it comes in three's. Sure enough he was the third. I've had a hard time dealing this loss as have our sons. This is the first I've been on any blogs and funny that I come to yours to look around. You are a blessing to those people, but I know it was so hard for your to mourn when you were helping other's cope. I hope you get that time to mourn each one of those people who touched your life, I know that you touched their lives. You are always touching someone's life!! Hang in there Shirley and I will too. Hugs, Brenda